Secret Pose

The longer he laid in bed, the more he felt I had rejected him and sneaked out. Before long, his body was telling him he had to wiz really bad. He hated the thought of getting out of the warm bed, but he decided he would relieve himself, in the hope he could fall back to sleep and escape thinking about me.  

“Damn!” He thought to himself.

When Tanner got up and started across the room to the bathroom, he saw me sitting in the shadows on the floor in the corner facing the wall. I was being very quiet, but Tanner could tell I was struggling. Selfishly, he felt a little better knowing I hadn’t chewed my arm off, so I could sneak out without disturbing him. Tanner went to the bathroom to relieve himself and left the door open. He wanted to hear if I got up to sneak out. When he came out, I was still there.

Tanner took a minute to appreciate the distinct beauty of what he saw in contrast to my obvious emotional turmoil. So he picked up his phone, snapped a photo, and put his phone back on his desk. Having been in a similar emotional state just moments before, he appreciated just how horrible I might be feeling.

When he approached me, he whispered, “Ty, it’s Tanner. Are you ok buddy?”

He startled me, and I jumped a bit but then went back into my slump without a word. Tanner sat on the floor behind me with his legs spread, snuggled up behind me, wrapped his arms around my chest, and rested his lips on the back of my shoulder in the gentlest of kisses. 

After a few minutes, he began tenderly kissing across my back and neck. I didn’t resist, but Tanner could feel I was very tense and upset.

With a whisper in my ear, which was barely audible even in the quiet of the room, Tanner said, “In such a brief time, I’ve become closer to you than any other friend I have ever known. Please talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling. Please let me feel it with you.”

I struggled to clear my throat, so I was still barely understandable. “Tanner, I don’t want you to feel what I’m feeling. I can’t ask anyone to do this with me.”

“Ty, last night you promised to stand with me as I struggle to figure out who I am. Do you think my turmoil will be easy for me? Do you think it will be easy for you to watch my anguish?”

“No,” I said.

“If you can’t lean on me to get through your struggle, how am I supposed to know I can lean on you? Do you think I’m so selfish as to expect you to single-handedly bear the burden of your pain and mine with no help from me?” Tanner asked.

“But our situations are very different,” I whispered.

“You’re right. They are different. We are all different, and while we may encounter similar struggles in life, the path will ultimately be unique for each of us. It is what makes us interesting,” Tanner explained.

I said nothing.

“Ty, I know what you’re going through is tortuous, but even if there is nothing I can do to lighten your load, at least let me lend an ear so you can talk about it. I promise it will make it a little easier for you to endure if you feel you’re not doing it alone.”

…