It was singularly unhelpful. He left his intended purchases at the counter and bought his candy at the grocery store instead. Their seasonal aisle was so perfunctory that even though it was half cleared, it was still Halloween stuff. Carl skipped the seasonal candy and bought full sized bars for the kids instead. He didn’t get that many trick-or-treaters. At least the ones he got would appreciate the holiday.

Carl’s house was one of only a few decorated for the holiday. It wasn’t like he had the giant dragon that breathed smoke in the yard. He couldn’t claim not to have been tempted. It’d started simple, with a few gravestones. He’d bought a little more every year until it had become an obsession. Carl had ten full tubs of decorations in the shed. Soon, he’d be displacing his tools!

He drove quietly into the garage and closed the door. He let the old ache settle in. He brushed the tear away, just as he had every day after work for over twenty years. Inside he was greeted with an immediate and demanding bark.

Just like that a smile came to his face. Carl swept his precious girl into his arms and stared into her bulging eyes. Her tongue lolled out to one side, and he kissed the side of her face. “How’s my girl?”

A shrill bark answered.

“Hungry, I see. Out first.” He took her out and endured the staring of the neighbors. Didn’t they know she couldn’t do these things on her own anymore? He ignored them and made sure she was done, bringing her in and carefully patting her dry. His nose rebelled. She was starting to stink again. He sighed. It was too soon for another bath, but he might manage to wash her off in the sink after dinner. Carl tapped her nose as he set her carefully back in her bed. “You, my precious baby, are a great deal of trouble.”

She barked again, futilely pulling herself toward the bowl and getting nowhere.

“Hold on, baby girl. Let me get your food.”

He knew she understood. If not the words, the fact that he was at the refrigerator. Not only had she quieted, but she was hyper-attentive. He filled the bowl quickly and got on the ground to help her eat, straddling her body over his leg so she could stand up.

She wobbled as she wolfed down the food, but he had his hands at either side, ready to steady her as needed. Once she was done, she pulled to get to the water, and he shifted the positions of the bowls instead.

After she’d lapped up her water, Carl set her gently back in the bed, but he stayed on the floor, cooing gently, petting her. Finally, he kissed his precious little pug, Lilah, on the top of her head and got himself up. He needed dinner too, and it had been a long time since anyone helped him with that.

So very long.

They’d always eaten at the table. Which is why he seldom did anymore. It had taken him almost two years to learn how to cook after… it’d taken so long to learn the basics that he’d become accustomed to sitting in front of the television with something nuked out of the microwave. The meals might be fancier now, but he still made his dinner, prepared a tray, shifted his precious Lil to a fluffy bathmat on the couch, and sat next to her.

After he’d watched a show, he used to take her out for a walk. But she hadn’t been able to do that in a year. Instead, he just snuggled her closer and watched a movie.

He should be walking anyway. Maybe he’d start… tomorrow.

The rest of the evening was a frantic cleanup of dinner, one more trip out with Lil for her business, and taking care of business before bed. Closing the house and the shades and pretending that he’d let go a long time ago when he still slept on a thirty-year-old mattress because he was convinced that he could still somehow smell Robert, just a hint. Truth was he couldn’t let go. He knew it. Mattress smelled like Lil. She’d had too many accidents, especially as she got older.

Morning came too soon. Easy enough, since Carl had to be up at three a.m. He reported for his shift promptly at five. He wasn’t the most senior custodian at the college, but it was a close thing. Seniority meant best pick of jobs when they went for bid. He had the building assignment he wanted. Not that it was easy, but it was a lot better than the floating assignments the newer folks got. It meant a routine and people he saw every day. The handsome assistant on the second floor would print his lottery numbers for him while he vacuumed and cleaned the bathrooms.

Usually, they talked politics. That was a fraught topic to discuss at work, but Carl wasn’t stupid. A lot of people thought it. That was the work uniform. People saw custodian and they thought a million things all at once, none of them good. Part of what Carl liked about the college was that no one seemed to think that way. Well, few enough not to matter.

“Christmas decorations!” Carl said glumly. “Can you believe it?”