Some hours later, I woke, not knowing if it was morning or night but feeling amazingly rested. And amazingly starved. I stretched and swung out of my bunk, and went into the adjoining bathroom. I relieved myself, washed my hands, and splashed some water on my face. Feeling more alive, I changed into a summer uniform and looked into the mirror. There. That was better.
Before I headed for the galley, though, I wanted to fan through my mail. It was stacked on the kitchen counter, and I picked it up -- my stomach could wait -- and I found letters from home!
Jefferson, who asked if I planned to stay in the Navy and if not, suggesting I look into joining the CIA -- not likely.
Portia, who was intrigued about making her come out the following year and who insisted I return to the States at that time to escort her to the debutant ball -- I definitely would.
I saved the best for last. Bryan’s letters always made me happy, made me laugh or just feel good. I read down the page, his words temporarily erasing thoughts of the steaming pile of dung I had no doubt my beloved country was going to step into. He filled the pages with the movies he’d seen, describing in detail what were called “creature features” -- Revenge of the Creature, Bride of the Monster, The Beast with a Million Eyes, It Came From Beneath the Sea -- and I couldn’t help laughing. Bry did love his monster movies.
And then my laughter choked off as I read on. And guess what, Tony! I’ve been assigned to Naval Intelligence in Honolulu. I should be arriving at O’ahu in a couple of weeks.
No. Oh, shit, no. I’d been dreading this letter even while I’d looked forward to it ...
Okay, it would be a while before he arrived, and that would give me time to make sure my emotions were under control. No matter what I might feel for Bryan, I had to keep in mind he saw me as his older brother.
Although ... If things became too iffy, I could always resign my commission and return to DC. I knew Jeff would put in a good word for me with the CIA. However, if I joined the CIA, I’d be too much in contact with Jeff’s father. But the NSA -- the National Security Agency -- might be an option.
My stomach growled, and I knew I’d better head to the galley for whatever meal was being served. I was about to set aside the letters -- I’d finish reading them after I’d eaten -- when there was a tap on my door. Please God the commander didn’t want me in his office now.
I opened the door, the light outside dimming, indicating the day would soon be coming to an end before too long.
A whirlwind threw himself into my arms. “Tony!”
“What the ...? Bryan?”
“Of course it’s Bryan.” His arms tightened around me, and it felt as if he’d never left me go. Or was that just wishful thinking on my part? “You sound like you weren’t expecting me.” His breath was warm in my ear.
I couldn’t help shivering as I returned his hug -- I wanted to kiss him so badly, but of course I couldn’t. Instead, I let him go, dismayed at how empty my arms felt. I gazed at his mouth, overwhelmed with the desire to kiss him -- my little brother wasn’t little anymore. And he wasn’t my brother. I tipped up his chin and smiled into his eyes. “I wasn’t.”
“But I sent you a letter. I told you --”
“I’ve been away.” Reluctantly, I took my fingers from his face. He didn’t know we weren’t related by blood, and how could I tell him? Besides, I had no idea how he would react if I did. “I just now read your letter.” I stepped away from him and found his letter. I pulled it out of its envelope and scanned Bryan’s neat script. Sure enough, the date, which I’d originally failed to notice, was six weeks before.
“Really? I’d wondered why you never replied. I ...” He looked away for a moment. “I thought maybe you were tired of me -- of writing to me, I mean.”
“Never.” I turned his face to meet my gaze. In spite of how bleak he sounded, I couldn’t help smiling at him. “I was just heading out for a bite. Do you have time to join me?” I wanted desperately to stroke his hair, but of course I didn’t -- he thought of me as his brother, and now I knew I wasn’t.
“I do, and I’d really enjoy that -- it’s been too long since we spent time together. That is ... if you want to?”
“Of course.” I’d always want to, even if it tore me up inside to have him so close and yet not close enough.
“I found a little place on Kalakaua Avenue,” he said, sounding hopeful.
“Ming Wei’s?”
“You know it?”
“I’ve been on O’ahu for almost ten years. I know it, little brother.”
A wry expression crossed his face.
“Bry?”
He smiled and shook his head. “Let’s go eat. We can talk about it later.”
COLLAPSE 
