by
Silver is trying hard to settle down again with Ben and River after the events at the Theatre De La Vie, but he isn’t the same person anymore and River is having a hard time dealing with the changes. One of the hardest things he has to cope with is Ariel, Silver’s new best friend, who makes Silver act like a teenager and causes trouble wherever he goes. When that trouble touches Ben, it sparks off a chain reaction that almost ends in tragedy.
In the meantime, Ariel has his own fallout to deal with. After finally finding someone to whom he might give his heart, he very nearly loses him by…well by being Ariel.
With his family life in tatters and his best friend lurching from one disaster to the next, Silver needs to be stronger than he’s ever been. The problem is he’s not feeling very strong at all. In fact, there are times when he thinks it would be so much better if he just went back to that place inside his head where he was safely shut away from the world, and that place is getting closer all the time.
Publisher: Independently Published
Cover Artists:
Genres:
Pairings: M-M
Heat Level: 5
Romantic Content: 4
Ending: Click here to reveal
Character Identities: Gay
Protagonist 1 Age: 18-25
Protagonist 2 Age: 18-25
Protagonist 3 Age: 18-25
Tropes: Families/Raising Kids, Smartass Twinks
Word Count: 135000
Setting: In and around London
Languages Available: English
Series Type: Continuous / Same Characters
Andrei gets harder and faster and I respond automatically until we are slamming into each other as hard as we can. It goes from slow and gentle to fast and hard and I turn into the wildcat again. We roll and thrust and slam and scratch and bite and… and…
“Fuck!!!”
I bang my head against the wall as I convulse, almost throwing Andrei into the wall with the power of my orgasm. A few more thrusts, which incidentally keep banging my head against the wall, and he howls and shudders then collapses on top of me, knocking the air from my lungs.
“Whoa,” I say coughing and he rolls to the side.
“Sorry, did I hurt you?”
“What? Was that when you were banging my head on the wall or when you were trying to break my ribs?”
“Oh my God, did I…? I didn’t mean…”
I grin at him and reach up to twist a strand of inky hair around my finger. “No. I’m good. So are you.”
“Really? You think I’m good?”
READ MORE“Oh yeah, yeah you’re good.” His smile is beautiful… just like the rest of him.
We lie there in perfect contentment until my head starts hurting from the angle of my neck and the place I kept banging it.
“Let’s get up on the bed. It’ll be more comfortable.”
It’s pure heaven lying in Andrei’s arms in the bed. I’m drawing circles on his chest and he’s idly toying with my hair. It’s perfect. Only it’s not perfect. It’s not perfect at all because I feel uneasy and… wrong.
I’m going to see Cam tomorrow. Cam, the only person I’ve ever let in past my guards. Cam with the beautiful green eyes, Cam with the soft voice and shy smile.
Cam would never have been able to do that. He’s too hesitant and shy. He’d be gentle and sweet and soft and… I sigh.
“What’s wrong?” Andrei asks softly.
“Nothing. It’s just….”
“Just what?”
“I-I have a date tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I know.”
I strain to make sense of the tone in his voice. Is he sad? Is he angry? Is he… relieved?
“I-I’m kind of…,” The truth, Alex said. “I’m kind of thinking of him.”
“Are you comparing us?” There’s amusement there now. I wonder why.
“No. I can’t. There’s nothing to compare with. We haven’t… done anything.”
“Oh. So what are you thinking about?”
“I… we talked and I-I told him things.”
“What kind of things?”
“Things I’ve never told anyone.”
“Ah.”
I raise myself up on one elbow and look into his face. He looks sleepy and contented and… amused. “What do you mean ‘Ah’?”
“Do you love him?”
“Love him? Of course I don’t. I’ve only just met him.”
“What has that got to do with it? You’ve let him into your heart.”
“Um… well… yeah, I guess I have.”
“Then you love him.”
“Maybe… kind of.”
“Is he beautiful?”
“No, not like you.”
He smiles an ironic kind of smile. “Yeah, beautiful me.”
“Are you angry?”
“Angry?” he asks as if he’s been thinking about something else and was brought back by my words. “About what?”
“About the fact that I’m thinking of another man when I’m in bed with you.”
He smiles. “I’m not angry. I admire your honesty.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I’ve been messed around and left hanging on a string before and I much prefer to know the score up front and… I… there was something I was going to talk to you about anyway.”
There is something in his voice that makes me sit up and take notice. “What’s wrong?”
“I um… I have to leave.”
“Leave?” Why does my heart hurt? Doesn’t this make things easier? Yes and no. I don’t want to lose him. He’s too beautiful to say goodbye to easily and apart from that, he’s so sweet and gentle and I… I really like him. If I’m being brutally honest, I don’t love him. I can’t see myself talking to him about the things Cam and I talked about but….
“My grandparents still live in Moldova. They have a farm, well a small holding really. It’s been in our family for generations. My mother was the first one ever to get away. Anyway, my grandfather’s very ill and he can’t keep things going. We’re going back - the whole family. We’re going to work it and renovate it and bring it back up to what it used to be.”
“Are you going to stay? Never come back?”
He smiles and shakes his head. “No, only for the summer. I’ll be back for uni next year.”
“Will you come back here?” The thought that he might not almost physically hurts me. I can’t bear to think I’ll never see his face, never gaze into his lovely eyes.
“Of course I will. Where else can I dance like this?”
Relief floods me, but then I feel selfish. “What if I’m not here?”
“Then I’ll find you wherever you are.”
“What if I’m with someone else?”
“Then I’ll kiss you, tell them how lucky they are and buy you both a drink.”
“Really?”
“I’m never going to let you out of my life Ariel. If it’s as a lover then I’ll be the happiest man in creation but if it’s as a friend then I’ll still be happy… for you and for me. I want you to be happy and I was worried how to tell you I’m leaving without hurting you.”
“Does it make me a bad person because it does hurt me?”
“A bad person? You could never be a bad person Ariel?”
“But… I’m seeing Cam tomorrow and….”
“It’s true that at some point you have to make a choice. If you are going to have a true life partner then you have to make a commitment to them and them to you. But you’re young, and I get the feeling you haven’t had anyone really care for you before. You can’t give that kind of commitment to the first person who takes your heart. You have to keep trying until you find someone who deserves to keep it.
“You have to be absolutely sure this man is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, who you can be completely yourself with. Who can look into the darkest recesses of your soul and see only love shining back. You have to be able to look into his eyes and see nothing but love shining back. You have to trust him absolutely and give him all of you, knowing that he will keep you safe no matter what... and most of all you have to be able to look at him and say without the slightest hesitation that you love him.”
“Wow, and you said you weren’t romantic.”
“I’ve been practicing.”
I grin and lean down to kiss him. Before I do he pushes me back a little. “Before you start feeling bad about saying goodbye to me, can you honestly and truthfully say that I’m that man?”
I stare at him, at his beautiful face, his unfathomable eyes, the dark sweep of his hair, the gentle curve of his cheek. He’s achingly lovely and he’s touched my body like no one else ever has. But… but has he touched my soul?
With a little smile I shake my head. With a bigger one he puts his hands either side of my face and gives me the sweetest kiss. Then I lay down my head on his chest, he puts his arms around me and we sleep.
COLLAPSE
