by
A slice-of-life M/M Hollywood romance novel about growing into yourself.
Victor Garcia and Andy Martin had known each other for eight years. Been in love for seven and a half. Been together – really together – for six, and married for two. So many milestones, so much change. Victor looked at his life sometimes and thought, this can’t be for real.
Going into 2020, they had a full year of work scheduled. Then life got weird, and for a minute it seemed a lot of things wouldn’t happen. It took some ingenuity and a ton of paperwork to make sure all those projects didn’t evaporate. It also took stepping up. Victor knew those two movies could be salvaged with a few changes, so he sent in spec rewrites. Not much later, they were in Europe for career-changing roles.
Andy was thrilled, not just because both movies were going to be better this way, but because he loved Victor’s new confidence. Every time the guy tried something new and it worked, he opened up a little more. Andy had to match that, because it was only fair. Even when the things that spilled out hurt.
Publisher: Independently Published
Genres:
Pairings: M-M
Heat Level: 3
Romantic Content: 3
Ending: Click here to reveal
Character Identities: Gay
Protagonist 1 Age: 46-65
Protagonist 2 Age: 36-45
Tropes: Age Difference, Hurt / Comfort, Married Life
Word Count: 89300
Setting: Los Angeles
Languages Available: English
Series Type: Same Universe / Various Characters
Ordinarily Andy might have solicited some mutually-agreeable cuddle time after a session like that, but when he got home Victor was fired up over a stage musical he wanted to rewrite. A few years ago Andy would have fled the scene; now he settled in to obsess about it with his husband. That didn’t really end until they’d talked to Tanith after dinner. Once something approaching a plan was in place, Victor set down his phone. Andy handed over the pad of paper full of his scribbled notes from the call. Victor made a ‘do you think I can read that?’ face, dropped it on the kitchen counter, and wrapped his arms around his husband’s neck. They stood there for a few minutes doing nothing but hugging. Then he sang, very softly, a line from their upcoming concert’s finale number. “‘Say you love me every waking moment.’”
READ MOREAndy took the next line. “‘Turn my head with talk of summertime.’” He kissed Victor again. They sang the last line together. “‘That’s all I ask of you.’”
“I love you so much.”
“I love you too. Let’s take Molly out for a minute, and then go to bed.”
They were outside for more than a minute. It was a chilly, clear night. The tenants in the triplex next door were quiet, as usual. Their guard acknowledged them briefly and then pretended they weren’t out there at all. The security floodlight at the construction site next door was angled away from their own yard, and the piazza lights strung across from the main house to the home studio had already gone off. They let Molly roam around the yard while they stood under their big pepper tree, wrapped in each other’s arms in the dark. “So what did you have to say to Dr. LaSalle today,” Victor said softly. “We’re pretty good now, right?”
“You are perfect.” Andy kissed him. “I feel great.” Another kiss. “I talked about how we’re still all over each other.”
Victor was smiling against that beard. “What did she say about that.”
“She had me run down the whole history of the world and all the stuff we’ve done. She said the way we’ve been evolving, it’s no wonder we’re not tired of each other.”
Not even close to tired of you. Victor had an earlobe in his mouth, a hand under Andy’s jacket, and a significant hard-on. Andy was holding him close with one arm. The other hand was in Victor’s hair. His breathing rate had picked up since Victor put his mouth to work. Victor put his other hand on Andy’s ass and pressed them together. He opened his mouth enough to say, “I want you.”
Andy shivered from the tickle of Victor’s mustache. “Then take me, you pirate.”
If it hadn’t been for that damned floodlight, Victor might have done it right there. Instead he stepped away so they could both see where they were going, which was back to the house. Molly beat them to the door. They went inside, locked up, kicked off their shoes and hung up their jackets. Brushed Molly, then went upstairs. Did the bare minimum of washing up.
Victor lit a candle on the nightstand. Now there was enough light. “Let’s see you,” he said, because apparently he was in charge tonight. Andy obediently stripped, then stood waiting for instructions. Eyes dark and warm, mouth faintly smiling, half-hard. Victor put a hand on his chest, drawing his short nails through the hair. Tracing circles around Andy’s nipples, then a line down from sternum to navel. A little more pressure as he circled that, because he didn’t want to tickle. Thumb along the ridge of the hipbone. Fingernails again, through the hair at Andy’s groin. “Legs apart.” Exploring as if he didn’t know this body as well as he knew his own. Cupping, fondling, stroking. Victor was dying to get his clothes off and his skin against Andy’s. He was standing close, but at an angle. Andy was still, passive, keeping his hands to himself even now that he was fully aroused. Victor couldn’t decide what to do next. “I think I want your mouth,” he said.
COLLAPSETo read one of Alexandra Caluen’s LA stories is to be dropped suddenly into a world full of everyday life that you know nothing about. At first disorienting, Caluen’s great skill at writing fiddly detail of the mundane and bringing it to life eventually brings the inchoate swirls of facts and names into something like focus. From that point on, the reader becomes part of the story, invested in the shared life of Andy Martin and Victor Garcia, even while sometimes barely grasping the big picture of who they are.
The title is doubly potent. Set in the year 2020, it chronicles the life of a hotshot Hollywood industry couple during the first and worst pandemic year. The second meaning of the title relates to the complicated backstories of the main characters, and the gradual unmasking of painful truths that these men, together as a couple for six years, have never voiced to each other.
The nearly claustrophobic intimacy of pandemic lockdown doesn’t derail the loving relationship that has grown between Victor (43) and Andy (53) in the years since they met on the set of a successful TV series. As they negotiate the messy world created by the pandemic, from real estate to concerts to European film shoots, Victor and Andy never lose sight of each other. They begin to dig through the fog of celebrity that began with their rise into A-list celebrity. Caluen wants us to understand that, in spite of their age difference and the complicated beginnings of their relationship, they have something that will survive and thrive.
A large part of Victor and Andy’s reputation is tied to their coming out as a couple publicly, with all the attendant buzz—positive and negative—that this created in a world as two-faced as Hollywood is. The dark side of celebrity—and eventually the unshared traumas of their past lives—get brought into the story, providing moments of emotional intensity and shocking revelation.
All of this intricate interweaving of action and detail includes the broad professional kinship network that people in “the industry” carry with them. You have to simply let the plethora of names wash over you, understanding that in the end you’ll know who everybody is and how they fit into Victor and Andy’s life. It is a reminder, beautifully expressed, of how enormous “Hollywood” is, and how far beyond the brightest lights in the media papers the industry goes.
The icing on the cake, as it were, is the fact that Caluen infuses the whole narrative with a Latinx accent—Andy is a half-Puerto-Rican chorus boy, and Victor is a late-bloomer from Mexico. They not only act, but they dance (tap and tango), and sing (showtunes and more), and Andy is a successful photographer.
On top of this, they both have fertile imaginations that come up with new things they can do together on a daily basis. It is remarkable to see how, when the distractions of the world are forced aside by lockdown and isolation, these two men begin to see each other more clearly, to truly understand what they have known all along.
This book is set in the real world of 2020. Additional content alerts for past trauma.
